ISpyShanghai

Picture the scene, you’re an 11 year old Chimpanzee in Shaanxi province and your husband has just died. A steady diet of bananas and people banging on your cage bars is driving you crazy, so what do you do?

It’s obvious really, start smoking.

The zookeepers turned a bit of a blind eye to Ai Ai’s habit (come on, the lady got problems) but after 16 years they decided enough was enough and it was time for her to quit.

So now the Chinese have the answer to a question that has plagued man throughout the ages:

How Does A Monkey Quit Cigarettes?

Head Chimp Psychiatrist Zhang HouZi explains

She’s served fried dishes and dumplings at every meal, alongside her usual diet of milk, banana and rice.
I also put earphones on her so that she could enjoy some pop music from my walkman.”

So now you know.

Ai Ai recently moved to Shandong province to be with her 17 year old toyboy, where she gave birth to a daughter (presumably) named “Double Happiness”

When people talk about modern Shanghai girls they’re usually saying bad things: shallow, gold-digging, high-maintenance, manipulative etc.

I don’t have any direct experience, but I think the fact that this t-shirt is fashionable says a lot:

N.B. the Santana is a pretty basic Volkswagen model, it’s the most common car in Shanghai

<cue Shoe Tuesday music>

There’s a shop on Changle Lu called ACU (hey that rhymes!) - I’ve mentioned it before, but that was in the days before Shoe Tuesday- or “BST” as I call it.

The owner looks like the type of guy who should be taking young American boys under his wing and teaching them the mysteries of old Kung-Fu. Except he wears a hat that reads “We Are The Sub Culture” and fake pink leopardskin Nike hi-tops.

The genius of this place is that a third of the stuff in there isn’t even for sale

“That one is just a sample. Made from organic hemp”
“Yeah? When’s it coming out?”
“Oh it shall never be released to the public”
etc.

Another third are plain leather shoes or hand towels made by brands you’ve never heard of that sell (well, probably don’t sell) for 3,500RMB. Which leaves 5 or 6 items that are reasonably priced and actually look good.

This marketing genius is how I ended up with a pair of black adidas covered in a tomato print (to commemorate a festival in Spain), a Duck-egg blue cordorouy hat that cost the same as two weeks rent on my house back in Manchester, and now these bad boys:

They’re a collaboration between adidas and Pringle; Britain and Germany hand in hand. Just like when me and my buddy Fabien destroy everyone at Table Football in The Beaver.

God save das Queen!

After a heavy Friday night (for which I blame Baijiu, B52s and The Beaver), and a more restrained Saturday (Comedy night@Racks, The Spot, The Shelter, home early) I had a good day of wandering around on Sunday.

If you ever feel like you’re insignificant in this world, that life passes you by and nobody pays attention to you, try setting up a tripod and camera on Nanjing Dong Lu. There’ll be a crowd of people watching you within a few minutes.

(If you’re white you can achieve the same trick by just sitting down next to an empty seat on Nanjing Dong Lu. A steady stream of Chinese bumpkins who want to have their photo taken with a genuine laowei will be along shortly.)

Here’s another timelapse video:

Sorry- I wrote this when horribly drunk and don’t want to keep the original thing posted.

Is this a menu item or a frigging cryptic crossword clue?

Good food in this place though.

I forget the exact address but it’s a Chinese restaurant in Beijing, shouldn’t be hard to track down.

Last night I watched Germany edge past Turkey in the Euro2008 semi-finals .

There must have been 1,000+ people packed into O’Malley’s to watch the game. With about 75 minutes gone and the score tied at 1-1, the TV cut out. No-one was pleased.

The live footage was out for maybe 10-15 minutes, during which time both teams scored. People all around were getting phone calls and text messages from home telling them the score, so random pockets of people were celebrating whilst others didn’t know why.

To make things worse the TV station, with no live footage to show, was repeating earlier goals and near misses- and half the crowd thought it was live.

Anyway the whole thing left me utterly exhausted and I slept in until 5:30pm today. So here, late, is some timelapse stuff I shot in Tiananmen square when I was in Beijing last weekend.

If that doesn’t work, here’s the same thing on Youtube.

After spending just two nights I’m Beijing, I’m certainly no expert on the place. However I was given some good tips on where to go by experts, and had a stellar time in the city.

Many, many, many thanks to WoAiZhongGuo, CP/Chas and Craig McMahon.

Since there is a minor sporting event coming up, I thought I would use my time in Beijing to try and score some google hits. Shameless, I know, but what can you do?

So I’ve written an Official* Whoop-whoop Guide To The 2008 Summer Olympics in Ye Old Beijing

*Not strictly official.